Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
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this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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