Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
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Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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