Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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