you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
