When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
