I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
