I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
