I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
