im gay
i know
yea but for you.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
