Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
