I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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