I'm pants shitting drunk right now
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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