I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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