Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
