I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
