What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
