Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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