At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
