I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
