i can't believe i had my finger in that
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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