Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
