I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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