David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
