a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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