just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
