38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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