You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
