I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
