dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
