Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
