I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
