Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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