I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
