we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
