I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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