Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
