U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
