In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
farters have to be the big spoon...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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