Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
