Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
