like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
