just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
