if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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