He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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