i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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