Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
