so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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