God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
