things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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