I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
