I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
