ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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