PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
