think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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