Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
