i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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