we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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