she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
