Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
