Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
