i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
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You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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