I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
