dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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