I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
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