Just fell off a train. Bad.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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