So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
