My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
