Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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