I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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