The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
