just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
