Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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