Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
