The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
