Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
