i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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