Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
