dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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